Today our teacher asked us to write a ‘Moment In Time’ piece using a picture of a boy in the water. We planned as a class to make sure we had the 5 W’s and the 6 Senses.
Before we began our writing in small groups we discussed the importance of using descriptive writing, using similes and metaphors where appropriate, using dialogue and have done our best to make sure our punctuation is correct. Some of us have even used ‘Show Don’t Tell’ in our writing to provide our reader with more of an experience.
Our teacher gave us 10 minutes for each paragraph and then 10 minutes for editing at the end. We had so much fun working together!
If you have a moment, we would love you to comment on our writing.
Boy Overboard!
Jack was water skiing when he saw a group of sharks swimming towards him. Jack was so frightened that he let go of the rope and fell on his back slap Jack started to drown. The closer the sharks got to Jack the more frightened Jack became. He could taste the sea water dripping from his mouth. “HELP! HELP!”
Jack saw the sharks swimming closer and closer “HELP! HELP! SOMEBODY HELP!” Jack screamed. The sharks finally surrounded Jack when he felt like his heart was going to jump out of his chest. One of the sharks lunged forward and tried to bite Jack but he was too fast for the shark and he just dodged in time. Then the next shark then the next and so on.
The final shark managed to bite Jacks leg “AHHH” screamed Jack as the blood was oozing out of his leg like a tree with tree sap sliding down the tree trunk. But Jack didn’t only scream because of the blood he also screamed because the sea salt got sucked into his leg like a vacuum. It was only Jack and the sharks alone in the salty sea water. Jack knew this was the end but was it?….
Written by Philip, Eraia and Javahn.
Eraia
What I did well was putting interesting words.
Javahn:
What I did well was sharing my idea and sharing my knowledge .
Philip:
I think I put in some descriptive words to make it interesting for the reader.
